Stupid Things Poker Players Have Said

Being a Professional Poker Dealer and Player, I have heard many funny and stupid things come out of poker player's mouths! Some of the things I have heard are so idiotic that I cannot believe that these people actually play poker ~ But I'll even admit to something stupid that I said!

Here are just a few examples of things I have heard players say, and I will be continuously adding more to it! And NO, I am not making any of these up! If you know of any stupid things people have said while playing poker PLEASE leave it in a comment!

"I had 3 pair, I thought it beat the straight."

"I almost made my King High Royal Flush."

"I had no pair but I had the stone cold nuts... 2 overs, open ended straight draw and a flush draw."

"It was fun til I kept forgetting to fold when I was beat."

"When you're over betting the pot and getting called by nothing when you have the nuts does your hand sneak down into your panties and then go to town while you tell me all about it?"

"If you call me you got a winner."

"I tilted her by folding, I always play better when I'm not in the game."

A mexican guy said, "Mother fucker tried to steal it Holmes... same guy looks up, "Hey, I'm not in the blind right, I had 5 7, you two could've flopped sets with 88 and 99 and I still would've had outs."

"I thought 9 2 was counting on a four card straight."

"I'll play A 9 off suit and the flop could come 7 8 10, you never know."

"A 7 is my favorite hand, it's a monster, I get 2 pair with it all the time! But you can't play my favorite hand against me, you'll lose."

A guy takes half of his stack and says, "These are to play poker with..." then he grabs the other half of his stack and says, "These are to bluff with."

"I raise because I finally got a card."

"I made an aggressive call."

"I would rather play K 10 than pocket Jacks"

"I never play J 4 off suit but it was something that I just did."

"Yea, he called with the pocket 4's thinking they're playing good cards."

"Man, I fucked up, I went all in and didn't know what 2 cards I had."

This girl has J 2 in the hole, the board was A K Q, she turns her cards over and says, "I have a straight!" The best part of this story, she's poker dealer at our 'rival' poker hall, lol!

"I thought the 4 was an Ace."

"I'm preying to the Donkey Gods!" (The guy went all with J 3 o/s when three other people went all in ahead of him, he flopped 2 pair and got a full house on the river).

It was a rainbow Flop and Turn of 6 7 8 9, a guy said, "Didn't you see the Flush possible out there?"

A guy flopped a Full House, his opponent riverd a Straight and said, "Didn't you see the straight possible?"

"How much is that yellow circle worth?"

"I had the nuts and didn't even know it, I thought I was bluffing." <---I said that.

We are playing in a re-buy tournament and a guy says, "Can I re-buy"? - DUH

"I'm playin bad an makin moves."

"I can't believe that of all of those all ins and the guy goes all in with 5 2!" A woman says to him, "Well with all of those all ins the low cards are gonna hit."

"Does the book tell you to go all in with 3 5 off suit with two all ins ahead of you?"

"What, you mad at me for playing 6 2 off suit? I was halfway there in the big blind, it's a good hand, but I'll fold pocket Jacks. 6 2 is two cards to a straight. Pocket Jacks I can't get a flush and there are 3 or 4 over cards that can beat me, QQ, KK, AA, or 22."

"My pocket Kings got snapped off by 10 7."

"You went all in with 6 7 off suit?" "Well dude went all in with 10 7, what's the difference? 6 7 is a better hand."

"I got 20,000 in the Big Blind and the guy went all in with 30,000 so I said, 'Well I'm halfway there, I call' and I snapped him off with 7 2."

"She called my 70,000 all in with there being 4 clubs on the board and she didn't have a club in her hand."

"Any one can play the top ten hands."

"I folded a flush draw to a all in bet but I called an all in with an inside straight draw because I'm just looking at the cards."

"Can I raise"?

"But it was suited."

A guy says, "My pocket Kings get cracked on the River all the time." This girl replied {with a totally serious look on her face}, "Yea, my pocket Kings got cracked by pocket Aces."

"I knew you had high cards so I had to call your All In." (he was holding 7 4 suited).

"I don't normally play 6 4 unless I'm trying to push people off the pot."

A young kid sits down to play 3/6 Limit. He asks, "Do they play kickers here?" Another player had a cock-eyed look on his face, "What do you mean do they play kickers here?" and he said, "If you have KJ and I have K3 will your J play?"...A little later this same kid asked, "Do they play wrap around straights here?" The same guy who answered him earlier replied, "Like A, 2, 3, 4, 5 or A, K, Q, J, 10?" The kid said, "No, like Q, K, A, 2, 3?" He lost $200 in 30 minutes and did not win a hand!

"You have bottom pair with kicker problems" <-- this was said to me by a dealer.

The guy said, "What did you call me with?" and she replied, "I had a pair of clubs."

"Q 6 is the most commonly flopped hand in poker"

A player said this...I won't mention any names (Holly) "K 10 is no longer my favorite hand, now it's K 8, I've been winning so much with K 8 lately." This guy says to her, "So now your favorite hand is a King with a weaker kicker by 2." This same tournament she also expressed that she doesn't like it when people raise up her blinds and that she does not raise with AK any more. A little while later it was her big blind and she raised with AK, go figure.

"What time does the 5:30 tournament start?"

"I don't think ol' dude appreciated it when you cracked off his AK wit ur 8 5 off suit."

"I'll call an all in with ten deuce, that's a monster."

A guy gets knocked out of the tournament and as he is walking out he says, "Now that is how you play pocket jacks."

A tournament table breaks up and a guy says, "Do I take my chips with me?"

A player went all in and his opponent said, "You went all in? Really? Why did you do that?"

"I thought you had the nuts but I still had to call you."

"You can have the flop and I'll take the river."

"I have the nuts, you can put them in your butt."